BookRix

I added this story to my favorites beause I want to read it. I started to read it but don't have time to finish. I'll add comments later.

It's very epic story, after all as far as I know girls are always in trouble the last film which I saw was that two girls not two girls were victims they were very near to become on holes made by the ammo of а weapon which heavy artillery, of course not large and big like in wars...

Also it's well described, after all everyday could be saw this can't it??
It always one fucking conflict, so far in one my stories i dicided to pu one my characters in jail mainly because of some events which have happened... first even was trying to kill somebody because of a girl - It's juicy isn't it?

I've begun to read this, and I like the way you develop your characters. So far it's been an enjoyable story that has kept my interest throughout. I have only one question, though - I have seen "Grease" many, many times, but have never seen a scene involving soldiers or Sandy having to hide in a closet. It's a light-hearted musical about teen romance and occasional angst, but there's nothing at all about soldiers. Could you possibly be confusing this with a different play?

Anyway, great story so far; I'm saving it to my Favorites so I can access it easily for continued reading. ')

the book was awesome

Nice work with nice story...
Awesome!!!
Great work ashi..
Girls trouble..

hey ashi........
Firstly congrats for d book.
n ofcourse i liked d way u presented d book.
awesome ashi.

Hi. I started reading the story - I didn't have time to finish it. I think you are heading in the right direction - you just need some editing with verb tense as well as the actual dialogue in the story.

Essentially, I noticed that there were several places where you were a bit too formal with the way your characters interacted with one another. An example would be when your characters speak, they often don't use contractions to 'smooth' their conversations.

Take the following sentences for example.

I'm going to the store and I hope I don't see Bobby.
OR
I am going to go to the store and I hope I do not see Bobby.

Not only does the first sentence sound relaxed and more inviting but it's also shorter. And if you can use LESS words in an ARTISTIC way to get your point across in writing - the better.

The second sentence is long and comes across as stiff and tense sounding. Now imagine reading an entire conversation between people who are supposed to be friends using that same sort of stiff conversation. It becomes less a casual chat and more of a robotic sounding discourse.

Yes, you can use that formal style to emphasize and exaggerate the mood/tone of a conversation but use it sparingly like salt!

Working on that one writing device on that alone will make your story much more captivating.

By the way, notice how I've put a break between each paragraph? It makes it easier for the reader, you, to actually read. The BookRix editor (wherein you either write your story directly OR you upload the text) will automatically insert that space for you - which is how it's supposed to look.

Let the BR edit function do its job.

WRITING DIRECTLY into the BookRix editor... As you write and press Enter to create a new paragraph you'll noticea big space between paragraphs --- do NOT try to 'fix' the spacing.

That's the way it's supposed to look with an eBook. Let the editor do that one thing for you and your work will look cleaner and more professional.

(Incidentally, I do NOT recommend working directly IN the BR editor unless it's a very short bit because IF something happens and you inadvertently either don't save your work OR if you accidentally delete your work - it is gone...gone forever. There is NO retrieval function at BR. Trust me, it's no fun to see hours and hours or months and months of work disappear and there's nothing you can do about it! My suggestion is to ALWAYS work in a Word program and upload your work or copy and paste it into the editor so you never run the risk of losing the work later)

UPLOADING your work - (which I recommend - and pretty much all the older members will suggest this to you because we've all lost some of our work at one time or another)

I suggest using the following formatting so your work (including specialized text--bold and italics) uploads completely.

Paragraph at 6 Before and 6 After and Line Spacing at Single.

Remember, let BookRix work for you - it'll be so much easier!

Good luck to you.

novel only have 158 pages..?

OMG so much pain for poor Steph. The level of pain and heartbreak she has had must be unbearably right now. I wouldn't mind if something bad happens to Ash. so Jake and Ash were only hiding the fact that they were in a relationship? or is there more? The scene where she though Mandy was really dead, put together with her dream had me in tears. I really love this story, cant wait to see how it ends

fingers crossed for the upcomings...