Hi Alysa,
I enjoyed your story and I belief you have talent.
I have listed some pointers that I think might help but I also know that with my first book upload I didn't really know what I was doing and so have done things like not used a big enough font and some readers didn't like the sudden ending of one of them.
1. Spacing out your work as in separating your paragraphs and putting speech on its own line might help in regards... Show more
Hi Alysa,
I enjoyed your story and I belief you have talent.
I have listed some pointers that I think might help but I also know that with my first book upload I didn't really know what I was doing and so have done things like not used a big enough font and some readers didn't like the sudden ending of one of them.
1. Spacing out your work as in separating your paragraphs and putting speech on its own line might help in regards to readability.
2. I wasn't convinced that Benjamin was able to beat up and disable your main characters attackers and these other towns folk simply because it seemed so unlikely.
3. I wondered about the ending. It didn't really feel like an ending, I wondered if actually two pages were missing. The way Benjamin began losing weight ang moving slower I felt like you were leading up to him dying or becoming seriously ill. Lol...
I want you to know that I would be interested in reading more of your work and think you have done well.
Good luck,
Bek
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