Reality Happens

By:
Reality Happens
Liz can't find out why her boyfriend is always late to meet her at the coffee shop, and when she does. It all makes sense to her.

  • Fiction
  • 1444 Words
  • Ages 0 and up
  • 487
  • 5
  • Publication Date: 11-03-2011
Posts and Comments
Important Post
Deleted User

this is nice

felixthecat
Important Post
felixthecat

I was hoping all the way through...but, no. You did a fine job creating this work. Nicely done.
Marc is correct about those tense oopses, but they're an easy fix. The really great thing about 1st present is your ability to narrate the story very intimately, and you did.
One other small thing...consider breaking those long narrative blocks down just a bit? Think "white space."
:)

yezall
Important Post
yezall

can't kill them. *sigh*

Liz deserved someone better, we all know that now. I think a sequel is in order! Nice story!

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