BookRix

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This book is being featured in the new YoungWriters contest.

http://www.bookrix.com/_groupforum-en-win-a-writers-and-artists-yearbook-2003.html

Please vote in the thread if you would like it to win. (Simply press the green plus sign.)
Chris

I did not see that ending coming - but somehow, it made everything come together as a whole.
You are such a talented writer, I can't wait for you to post more books for me to read!

I'm not usually one to read mystery, but this was a different beast entirely. For one, you've got an incredible grasp over the English language; it's so refreshing to see an author immersing their work with an almost poetic element. Your descriptions were startlingly vivid, and there wasn't a single point in this story where I couldn't perfectly picture what was happening. And then, to top it all off, the plot itself is original and new, with twist after twist that leaves you hungrily devouring page after page, eager for more.

I must say, this was one of the best works I've read here on BookRix, and actually better than a lot of published works out there. Best of luck in the contest -- I'm sure you'll take out first place. In the meantime, I'm off to read the rest of your work!

And interesting piece :) Most was very well done. Great job!

I do have some critiques, however:

Make sure I know who is talking during the dialogue in the beginning. It took me a couple minutes to figure out who was Edwina and who was the kid.

Also, when Eddie is waiting outside the door in the sun, make sure it's clear what exactly is going on. At one point, I though she was the one walking past people, not vice versa. And I'm not quite sure what you wanted to get across in that paragraph either...

And I see what you were trying to do with the very first sentence in the book, but some of the punctuation threw me off. The following sentences were great, though the third sentence(in paragraph one of the entire book) was missing some punctuation.

In certain points in the beginning of the story, the paragraphs get confusing. I couldn't really decide what I was supposed to think! So make sure every word in every sentence makes sense and is necessary.

But I must say, I didn't finish the whole book. I choose to stay away from as many vulgar and inappropriate words as possible. You do have a very interesting beginning, however.

Good job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

You had me at the title. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron.

Write on...
Andrea

This story combines so many different elements. It is definitely original and inventive. I thought the deductive reasoning of Edwina, at the crime scene, was reminiscent of Sherlock Holmes. The ending made me think of 'The Matrix'. The identity of the perpetrator offered a shocking twist.

Overall, this book is very skillfully crafted and it contains some amusing similes or metaphors. I think Edwina Reynolds' adventures would make a nice detective series. Fantastic job you did with this! It was quite entertaining and it drew me in, like a magnet. The usage of other detectives from the list was brilliant as well. You certainly have a knack for writing detective stories and I hope you'll write more of them.

This is great. I was intrigued from the very first paragraph. The descriptions and the characters are rich elevate the plot to even greater heights. Don't ever stop writing.

You really are an amazing writer. This little story had so many twists and turns, it's amazing what you can do. As I was reading, my mind was thinking exactly like Judy said; perfection. There is nothing more to say about it. Your every single detail, your whole plot is perfect. Keep up the good work and hope to see you published by the big houses some day. :) You deserve it.

Okay, who are you, really? I've read many great books by many great authors, and your writing is honestly better than that of some of those populating the best-seller lists. This was not only perfectly constructed, perfectly executed and perfectly conceived, it ended perfectly, giving it a perfect length. If any voting takes place for this Challenge, I'll be among the first in line to cast mine for yours.

What a story! It makes you think while you're being entertained, and its premise is, as you say, different. I would call it unique in every sense of the word, even in the way you re-tool mystery cliches, thereby enriching the tale. And the title, of course, is sly and...perfect!

Incredible work, Aaron. Again. 'D